Afraid to Speak English? How to Stop Fearing and Start Talking

When Edyta first walked into my office, she said straight away: "I'm not confident enough to speak English. I'm looking for someone to help me." Edyta heads a department at a large company in Warsaw. For several years she has been climbing the career ladder and is highly valued at work. She has a good vocabulary and knows her English grammar. What she lacks is the courage to use it all when talking to people. After a while she told me that whenever she has to speak English she gets very nervous and feels all the typical signs of stress: her voice shakes, her hands sweat and her mind suddenly goes blank.

Does that sound like you? Do you speak English freely and with pleasure, or do you feel every symptom of stress: sweating, a shaking voice, a face that suddenly turns red? Or do you avoid speaking altogether, because the fear of every little mistake is too strong? If that's how you react, it's worth asking why you're afraid to speak a foreign language. There's a very good chance you can overcome it.

Why are you afraid to speak English at all? Diagnose the problem

Some people aren't afraid to talk to anyone in another language, even with a small vocabulary and little grammar. They don't worry about mistakes, and if they can't say something, they use gestures or find another way to get their message across. This make-it-up-as-you-go approach can be clumsy, but it usually works.

Other people invest a lot of time and money in learning. They polish every word with great precision and read about English tenses over and over. Their dream is to sound exactly like the English tourists crossing Piccadilly Circus. The trouble is that they set the bar so high that it takes them a very long time to clear it.

Reason 1: perfectionism and fear of failure

The writer Michael Law has pointed out that perfectionism isn't really about loving to be meticulous. It's about fear: fear of making a mistake, of disappointing others, of failure, and even of success.

Many of us believe that to really know a language, we have to understand it perfectly and use it without a single error. There's no room for mistakes, and every slip or misunderstanding would be a disaster. It's a common fear among perfectionist learners. What will people think if we get something wrong? How will we look? Might they even laugh at us?

Perfectionism makes us almost panic about making mistakes, so we habitually avoid every situation where one might happen. The result: we don't use the language, because we never feel ready enough.

If you're building a career and people have high expectations of you, you may carry that pressure into other areas of life, including learning a language. Think about how you react to your own grammar mistakes, slips of the tongue or small errors. Do you allow yourself imperfections, pauses and mistakes? If you're waiting to speak English until you know it perfectly, you may wait forever. The longer you put off communicating, the harder it is to break through, because you'll never feel you're ready.

Believe me, other people don't care about your mistakes. You're the one who has a problem with them, because focusing on failures stops you from trying again. As Elizabeth Gilbert observes in Big Magic, perfectionism doesn't only stop people from finishing their work; worse, it often stops them from starting at all.

Reason 2: you're learning the wrong way

Have you ever wondered why so few school leavers can speak English fluently after years of lessons? Learning a foreign language at school takes at least several years, sometimes more than ten. Grammar exercises, vocabulary quizzes, tests on when to use which tense: that's usually what school English focuses on, often with reading passages. That knowledge matters, of course, but it needs to be backed up by skills such as communication.

At school we mostly learn the rules for building sentences, and then we don't use them, because we don't practise. We rarely speak the language, or far too rarely. Over time we grow hesitant, wondering how to pronounce words and whether our accent is right. And one more common, very big mistake: we only hear the language in class. All of this builds a barrier that grows over time. The longer we learn this way, the higher the barrier and the harder it seems to break through.

Notice that a child learning their first language learns it simply by taking part in real situations. They learn whole phrases and put them in the right places. Why not use the same strategy?

Reason 3: you fear what you don't know

This reason is linked to the previous one. We're built to fear the unknown, and we often feed our own fear. When we're about to speak, we invent all sorts of obstacles and "proof" that it won't go well. We convince ourselves we'll definitely make a mistake, or that the other person will be better and might even laugh at us. In the end we get so used to these thoughts that we believe them.

Before you start a conversation, try "talking" to yourself first. Tell yourself out loud that there's no reason to be afraid. The fear isn't rational; it only stops you from reaching your goal of speaking English fluently.

11 ways to break through your fear and start speaking English

If you're still afraid to use English despite studying hard, it's time to change a few things. These tips will help you make those changes step by step, get used to the stress and overcome your fear.

1. Believe in yourself

Stop thinking that everyone expects perfect English from you. To communicate, you don't need all of English grammar or every word (which is impossible anyway). Knowing 1,000 to 3,000 words lets you communicate quite effectively in everyday life. Even if you can't discuss theatre or classical music at first, that's all still ahead of you. Every chance to speak English, even just a few words, will make you braver. Once you break through, it gets easier and easier.

TIP: Don't compare yourself with others. If you think other people are natural language talents, believe me, they simply practise a lot. Speaking a language freely takes time and practice and won't happen overnight. Invest your time and energy in practice and you'll see the improvement.

2. Find someone you can safely practise speaking with

If speaking English terrifies you but you want to get past it, one-to-one conversation is a great place to start. Group conversations are interesting, but they can be more stressful and people usually speak faster. Talking to one person lets you focus on their pace, style and way of speaking, especially with someone you've just met. A tutor or language coach you feel comfortable with and click with is ideal at the start. One more tip: don't overthink how you speak or which words you'll use. Relax and let the conversation flow.

TIP: Get in touch with me. I'm a teacher and language coach, someone who knows the language and can help. That way you'll keep the stress down and won't treat conversation like a lesson.

3. Record yourself

Sounds surprising? You may wonder what it has to do with learning a language. Most of us feel uncomfortable hearing our own voice speaking a foreign language. We think we sound strange, certainly not how we should, so we avoid letting anyone hear us. You can see how easily a fear of speaking English develops at this stage. A very good way to lose the feeling that your voice doesn't "fit" the language is to record yourself and get used to hearing it.

TIP: Prepare a short talk on something you're interested in, such as your hobby. Write down your sentences, using a variety of words and expressions. Then, without notes, present the topic to an imaginary listener and record yourself on your phone. Do it several times. Listen back and note the parts you think need improving. Make sure you know how to pronounce every word; if in doubt, use an online dictionary with audio, such as the Cambridge Dictionary. Listen, correct and record again. After a few rounds, your voice won't bother you any more.

Remember that the way you hear yourself isn't the sound other people hear, so to them your voice won't seem strange. When we speak a foreign language we also take on a slightly different personality, and that takes getting used to too. I write more about this in the article "Does a New Language Change Your Personality?"

4. Practise listening

Train your listening, because understanding people better takes away much of the fear of talking to them. Watch films or series in English (with English subtitles), listen to the radio or do standard listening exercises. Your comprehension will improve and your fear of speaking will gradually shrink. I recommend basing your listening practice on things that fascinate you:

• •books,
• •music,
• •your hobbies,
• •celebrity gossip,
• •biographies of famous people,
• •personal development content, and so on.

That way English won't feel like school homework.

TIP: Choose films that genuinely interest you. Only then will you be able to focus on what the actors are saying. It helps if you already know the film or series and its characters, because you'll recognise sentences you've heard before.

5. Imagine the situations where you'll use English

If you're learning English for a specific purpose, picture situations linked to it. For example, if you want to communicate freely when travelling, imagine booking a hotel room, renting diving equipment or changing your flight. Run through the dialogues that could happen in each situation and predict the questions and answers. Once you're familiar with the typical situations you might face abroad, you'll feel much more confident about handling the real ones.

TIP: For each situation you want to practise, prepare a set of words and expressions likely to come up. Practise using them in sentences, and record yourself so you can listen back.

6. Don't wait: talk, talk, talk

Anxiety and shyness get worse if you wait for the right moment when you'll be properly prepared. The longer you wait, the harder it is to break through. Your inner critic switches on, making you more nervous and shy, negative thoughts appear, and they're harder to fight.

A common mistake is building sentences in your first language and then translating them. That makes every sentence take much longer, creates awkward pauses and adds stress, because you feel the time pressure.

TIP: So how do you start speaking English? Decide to speak straight away, without translating first. Say anything; this is the perfect moment for the ready-made phrases you already know. It's better than silence and wondering whether to speak at all. Once you start, you'll see that you can speak English. That builds your confidence and breaks the ice. And keep learning new words, because they carry most of your message.

7. Start with topics that interest you

Notice how quickly you learn things that interest you. When you want to know something, you feel curiosity, excitement and other positive emotions. Positive thinking has been shown to benefit our cognitive functions: approaching what we learn positively turbo-charges our thinking. When we're interested, we pay more attention, process information more effectively and, consciously or not, use better learning strategies.

TIP: Focus on the topics that interest you most, ideally ones you have a lot to say about and can build on, so new words stick more easily.

8. Learn everyday phrases you can use in conversation

This gives you a base that makes conversation flow and takes away much of the fear. Over time, keep adding to your set of "safe phrases" until you have a big store of the most common expressions in English. You'll feel safe because the phrases you've learned will come to you naturally in the right situations. Did you know that's exactly how small children learn their first language? They often don't know what each word in a phrase means, but they know that to get what they want (another scoop of ice cream, say) they need to say a particular combination of words.

You can read more about vocabulary and fluency in the article "How Many Words Do You Need to Speak English Fluently?"

TIP: Prepare and practise answers to the most common questions about work, family and hobbies. These are the golden standards of getting to know new people. Knowing your answers will make you feel more at ease and more confident. From there it's all downhill!

9. Watch films and read books in English

Stop wondering whether your level is good enough to understand what the actors are saying. Watch series you've seen before, in English, with English subtitles. A film isn't just words: body language and context help you follow what's going on.

If reading books in the original feels daunting at first, look for graded readers: books written for learners, with increasing levels of difficulty. Most of them highlight new words and expressions and explain them in simpler English.

TIP: Just as with listening, choose material that interests you or feeds your passions. It can be pure entertainment too, because everyone likes a laugh or a break from everyday life. Look up new words in a monolingual dictionary, which explains English words with definitions in English.

10. Nothing bad happens if you make a mistake

Every new skill involves trial and error. That's how we learn from childhood: children learning to talk make lots of mistakes (charming ones, adults think). They don't mind making them, and next time they simply try another way of saying the same thing. Self-criticism, which children don't have, is a big obstacle for adults learning English or any other language. If we don't allow ourselves mistakes, we don't learn.

People don't expect you to speak like a native speaker. Native speakers make mistakes too, just as you make mistakes in your first language.

TIP: Take a step back from how you speak English. Active learning gives great results when you allow yourself to make mistakes. Remember: fluency doesn't necessarily mean being perfectly correct.

11. Speak English for two minutes every day

Start talking to yourself in English. I know it sounds odd, but it works, and who will know? If you spend at least two minutes a day speaking English, you'll get used to your voice and speaking will gradually feel completely natural. The aim isn't accuracy; it's helping you step beyond your comfort zone. When you learned to ride a bike, you didn't set off on a long ride into the city centre straight away. Do the same now: first get on the bike, start speaking. In time you'll get past the language barrier and set off on longer trips that you'll really enjoy.

TIP: Choose one simple topic for your two-minute monologue, such as the weather, how you feel today, your holidays or last night's dream. Say whatever comes to mind and don't translate.

Don't let the fear of speaking English paralyse you. Follow these tips and you'll gradually see the anxiety fade, until you can simply enjoy a good conversation. If you need professional support, I'm here to help. Remember, you can do it! Don't let the fear of speaking stop you from learning and following your dreams.

Bibliography

• •Christel Petitcollin, Je pense trop (Polish edition: Jak mniej myśleć. Dla analizujących bez końca i wysoko wrażliwych). Feeria, 2019.
• •Francine Chambers, What do we mean by fluency? System, Volume 25, Issue 4, December 1997, pp. 535-544.
• •Jakub Bielak, To what extent are foreign language anxiety and foreign language enjoyment related to L2 fluency? An investigation of task-specific emotions and breakdown and speed fluency in an oral task. March 2022.
• •Amy B. M. Tsui, Yuh-show Cheng, Foreign Language Anxiety and English Medium Instruction Classrooms: an Introduction. English Teaching & Learning, volume 46, pp. 203-212 (2022).
• •Judith M. Harackiewicz, Jessi L. Smith, Stacy J. Priniski, Interest Matters: The Importance of Promoting Interest in Education. Published online 30 June 2016.